Nhường cho phụ nữ

Hai cha con Hỏa Tà Nương có dịp đón xe buýt sang Thi Ẩm Trấn đi chợ tết. Xe đông nghẹt cả người, chen mãi mới được một chỗ. Ku Tít ngồi trên đùi cha líu lo, vừa quậy, và luôn nhận lại câu mắng:
- Này! Này! Đàn ông con trai gì mà lắm lời thế! Có im Đi không?
...
khóc
...
- Này này, đàn ông con trai gì mà mít ướt thế, có nín đi không!

Vừa lúc đó, xe Buýt thắng lại, Ngoc Hà xinh đẹp chen chân lên xe, loay hoay kiếm chỗ ngồi!
Lão Hỏa Tà lại giở giọng mắn ku Tít:
- Này này, mày có chịu rời khỏi đùi tao không hử! Đàn ông con trai gì mà không galang, không biết nhường chỗ cho phụ nữ!

Cái của anh bỏ ra

Lâu ngày gặp lại nhau Cùn hỏi Hoa : Dạo này chú mày thế nào? Làm ăn vẫn ngon lành chứ?
Hoa mặt rầu rĩ : Chán lắm bác ạ Trên bảo mà dưới nó ko chịu nghe
Cùn : Thế thì đi thay 1 cái mới đi Anh chỉ chỗ cho chú. Hay lắm Tháng trước anh cũng vừa thay cái xong. Cool cực
Tháng sau gặp lại Cùn hỏi : Thế nào chú em Thay đổi rồi có thấy hay ko
Hoa khóc : Bác ơi Ko thay thì thôi chứ thay rồi càng chán tệ
Cùn ngạc nhiên lắm : Nói bậy nào Chỗ quen biết giới thiệu làm ăn uy tín mờ Chú bỏ ra anh xem nào (.....) Ối zời ơi Cái này là cái của anh mày trước đây mà

Bưởi đường

Hôm nọ Lão Điên lang thang ..bất chợt thèm chua bèn ghé vào ...
_Ngọc Hà .. bán lão trái bưởi

...vài phút sau ..

- Bưởi của Ngọc Hà chua thế này mà Ngọc Hà dám đảm đảm bảo là bưởi đường?

- Thì bưởi bán ở lề đường, ta không gọi là bưởi đường, chứ gọi là bưởi giề

Bear and a rabbit

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes. "The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females. " *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle. " *poof* It's done. The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females. " *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house. " *poof* It's done. The bear is thinking to himself "why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well. " "And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female. " *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay. " And he rides off on his motorcycle."

Sent from 20000 Jokes on Android
Tag:animal

Đàn ông đích thực

 Một người đàn ông đích thực là một người đàn ông không thích đực

Have incredible dogs

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square ", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule ". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure " was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem. All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do? ". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break " and said, "Show the fellows what you can do ". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave."

Sent from 20000 Jokes on Android
Tag:at work

Top ten signs that you are too drunk

10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.6. You can focus better with one eye closed.5. You fall off the floor.5. The whole bar greets you when you come in.4. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.3. Roseanne looks good.2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass. 1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.

Sent from 20000 Jokes on Android
Tag:bar

I cannot find a cause for your illness...

"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking. "
"In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when you are sober. "

Tag:blones

Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a
'Breathalyzer'? " asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.
"Well, I'd have to say that it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent.
"Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years! "

Tag:bar

Boss wants too much

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A. M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A. M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself. " And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour? "

Tag:at work